Feeling Crummy or Has Something Gone Wrong? Try This
I recently spoke at a law firm about practical ways to nurture mental well-being.
The legal profession is notorious for its high demands and constant pressure, which often contribute to sleep problems, anxiety, depression, compulsively working, and burnout. In such an environment, mental health can easily take a backseat, while overachievement, and perfectionism are reinforced.
In this post, I’m sharing one of the key topics I discussed during the talk—something that can make a real difference.
Cited in Pema Chödrön’s The Places That Scare You:
In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion.
-Machik Labdrön, 11th century Tibetan yogini
Our nervous system and our mental well-being are intricately linked.
The autonomic nervous system controls the body’s involuntary functions like heart rate, breathing, and digestion, and it plays a major role in how we handle stress and relaxation. This system is divided into two key parts: the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system.
Autonomic nervous system
The sympathetic nervous system activates in response to stress, increasing heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing to prepare the body for action—commonly known as the “fight-or-flight” response.
On the other hand, the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in after the stressor has passed to calm the body. It slows the heart rate, reduces blood pressure, and promotes recovery—essentially acting as your body’s reset button.
Maintaining balance between these two systems is important for overall well-being. The sympathetic system helps you respond to challenges, while the parasympathetic system supports recovery. Without this balance, chronic stress can lead to burnout, and insufficient activation of the sympathetic system can impair your ability to handle stress effectively.
Self-compassion
Fortunately, there are scientifically proven actions we can take to balance our nervous system and restore our energy. One of the most effective ways to calm your nervous system is through practicing self-compassion.
At its core, self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend.
Imagine if a friend was struggling—they’d likely appreciate comforting words and gentle support from you, right?
Now, consider giving yourself that same care, especially during tough or stressful moments.
Drs. Neff and Germer, in their book on self-compassion for burnout, state we give ourselves self-compassion:
not to feel better but because we feel bad.
Self-compassion can be a game-changer when it comes to handling feelings like inadequacy, self-criticism, and self-doubt. It’s also helpful for particularly sticky emotions—shame, anger, regret, and fear—that can feel coreshaking or overwhelming.
Self-compassion, for example, is the opposite of shame. While shame makes us feel flawed and unworthy, trapping us in self-judgment and isolation, self-compassion encourages us to embrace our humanity. It helps us uphold our dignity by recognizing that mistakes don’t diminish our inherent worth.
Practicing compassion is not passive. On the contrary, it’s a very active effort.
It requires that we first acknowledge that we are experiencing pain, in whatever form it is showing up. And then it asks us to be willing to feel that pain. To approach it, and welcome it.
Pema Chödrön further asserts that:
It definitely requires the training of a warrior.
Myths
There are myths that people often associate with self-compassion: that it’s just wallowing in self-pity or that it’s selfish. Some even worry that it might make them lazy or weak.
But the research doesn’t support these fears.
In fact, self-compassion can help you respond to stress in a more caring, not critical, way. It creates a sense of safety that allows you to handle challenges with more calm and intention.
Ask yourself..
This may seem like a small question, but it can have a big impact. When someone else asks us, “What do you need right now?” it often feels meaningful and comforting. We instinctively know that they’re offering support. Now, take a moment to ask yourself the same thing, especially when you're feeling off or overwhelmed:
“What do I need right now?”
This small yet powerful question can help bring awareness to what’s going on inside you, guiding you toward the care and support you need in the moment. Whether it’s space, rest, comfort, or simply permission to feel what you’re feeling, this question opens the door to self-compassion.
Physical touch
One way to show kindness to ourselves is through physical touch. Physical touch is grounding.
When we’re feeling crummy or going through a tough experience, being held or touched can provide profound comfort.
Research shows that physical touch can help shift your body from stress to calm by activating the parasympathetic nervous system.
Place your hand(s) on your heart
The “hand on heart” practice is one of the simplest yet most effective ways to tap into self-compassion directly and efficiently. By placing your hand over your heart, you’re physically signaling to your nervous system that it’s safe to relax.
It helps you shift from a state of stress to one of care.
Next time you're feeling crummy or things aren't going as planned, I invite you to take a moment to pause. Sit down. Close your eyes. Notice your breathing. Then place your hands over your heart. Stay there for a while. And see what happens.