Men's Mental Well-Being: 15 Books

On living a meaningful life, managing depression, anger and jealousy, alcohol use, building confidence, relationships, sex, intimacy, and sleep

The Monarch of the Glen by Sir Edwin Landseer. 1851. Oil on canvas. 163.8 cm × 168.9 cm (64.5 in × 66.5 in). Scottish National Gallery. Edinburgh, Scotland.

The majority of my therapy clients are men; ranging from creatives to engineers to entrepeneurs and lawyers. Dating, coupled, divorced, gay, straight, and family- and non-family-men. From all sorts of backgrounds with different worldviews at different life stages.

All yearning to be understood, to connect and be accepted.

They typically come in at different stages of their readiness to work through what’s holding them back and their hardship, and to show up differently in their life.

On that quest, they often request book recommendations to help with what we’re working through together.

Drawing from both client feedback and the credibility of these resources, I've come up with an evolving list of books that address men’s common pain points.

For cultivating purpose & meaning

Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frankl. 2006. Beacon Press.

I’m not going to say anything new here that you probably already don’t know or haven’t heard about this book. A classic. One to read at any stage of adulthood and one to go back to. First published in 1946, Frankl, a neurologist-psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, offers a moving and accessible exploration of human existence and finding meaning amidst the depths of despair, hopelessness, and true physical, mental, and spiritual suffering. And still one of the most hopeful books I’ve ever read. I’m suprised that there hasn’t been a movie made about it yet.

How to Think Like a Roman Emperor: The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius by Donald Robertson. 2020. St. Martin's Griffin.

Donald J. Robertson

provides guidance on applying Stoic principles to modern life. Not to confuse with little “s” stoicism referring to unhealthy emotional restraint or suppression. The principles include acceptance of what we cannot control, present moment awareness, practicing resilience, and living in accordance with our values. Additionally, here is his paper on the relationship between Stoicism and contemporary psychotherapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based therapies, e.g. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Massimo Pigliucci

also writes about Stoicism’s role in mental well-being in a nautilus.us article from a few years ago, which is when I first became acquainted with Stoicism.

The School of Life: An Emotional Education. Introduced by Alain de Botton. 2020.

I’m an admirer of the philosopher and writer Alain de Botton’s work and his organization “The School of Life." His basic premise is that we go through years of education on all sorts of things that are arguably not particularly helpful for navigating life’s difficulties and don’t get any real formal training on the most fundamental set of tools for navigating life which are encompassed in emotional intelligence. So the book offers a realistic approach to navigating a variety of life challenges, finding fulfillment through developing resilience, and ways to improve communication and our relationship to ourself and others.

For understanding and managing depression

I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real. 1998. Scribner Book Company.

Real presents the roots of male depression, including childhood trauma and societal expectations of masculinity, and offers practical strategies for addressing emotional pain.

For understanding and managing anger

The ACT Workbook for Anger: Managing Emotions & Take Back Your Life with Acceptance & Commitment Therapy by Robyn D. Walser & Manuela O’Connell. 2021. New Harbinger Publications

Walser and O’Connell, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) experts, help normalize the natural feeling of anger. They provide robust strategies to healthily harness anger in a way that doesn’t lead to living at the mercy of it but rather living more fully through intentional decisions and actions.

For understanding and managing jealousy in romantic relationships

The Jealousy Cure: Learn to Trust, Overcome Possessiveness & Save Your Relationship by Robert L. Leahy. 2018. New Harbinger Publications.

Leahy explores the roots of jealousy and offers techniques for building trust and managing fears allowing for deeper connection and self-confidence in romantic relationships.

For understanding addiction or out-of-control behaviors

Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Anna Lembke. 2023. Dutton.

Lembke examines the impact of modern technology, consumer culture, and addictive behaviors on our brains' dopamine systems. She explores how the pursuit of instant gratification and pleasure has contributed to widespread reliance on substances like drugs, alcohol, and even the use of social media and gambling. The book offers insights into how we can take back our agency in dopamine-driven habits.

For figuring out your drinking limit and managing it to suit your goals and values

Controlling Your Drinking: Tools to Make Moderation Work For You by William R. Miller & Ricardo F. Munoz. 2013. Guilford Publications.

The authors draw upon their expertise in the field of psychology and addiction treatment to offer research-backed and non-judgmental guidance to individuals who wish to change their relationship with alcohol without necessarily abstaining completely. Through a combination of techniques, the book aims to empower readers to take charge of their drinking and lead healthier, more balanced lives.

For building real confidence and navigating “impostor syndrome”

The Confidence Gap: A Guide to Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt by Russ Harris. 2011. Trumpeter.

Harris, an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) practitioner and trainer, explores the psychological barriers such as self-doubt and fear that prevent people from feeling confident and achieving their goals. He argues that traditional approaches to building confidence, such as positive affirmations and ways to boost self-esteem, are often ineffective in the long term. ACT teaches individuals on how to embrace discomfort and take action in alignment with their values, rather than waiting for confidence to magically appear.

For ways to build meaningful connections and relationships

How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks. 2023. Random House.

Brooks writes:

Human beings need recognition as much as they need food and water. No crueler punishment can be devised than not to see someone, to render them unimportant or invisible. “The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them,” George Bernard Shaw wrote, “but to be indifferent to them: that’s the essence of inhumanity.” To do that is to say: You don’t matter. You don’t exist.

Drawing from psychology and other fields, Brooks really gets at the heart of healthy connection and relationships and, he argues, communities as well. That we all want to be seen and understood, and the profound reciprocal gift it is to show that you value and understand someone.

For maintaining eroticism in long-term relationships

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel. 2007. Harper Paperbacks.

Perel examines the impact of domesticity, routine, and familiarity on sexual desire in long-term relationships. She offers practical advice on reigniting desire and maintaining a sense of eroticism within committed relationships, emphasizing the importance of cultivating individuality, autonomy, and mystery inside and outside of the bedroom.

For all things related to male desire, sexuality and intimacy

The New Male Sexuality: The Truth About Men, Sex, and Pleasure by Bernie Zilbergeld. 1999. Bantam.

Zilbergeld explores the evolving landscape of men's sexual experiences, desires, and challenges in contemporary society. Drawing from research and clinical insights, he discusses various aspects of male sexuality, including sexual health and dysfunction, pleasure, intimacy, relationships, communication, and societal expectations.

For a more fulfilling sexual life

The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin. 1996. HarperPerenial Publishers.

Morin explores the complex nature of human sexuality. He presents the psychological aspects of eroticism, examining how fantasies, desires, and experiences shape individual sexual identities and relationships. The book offers insights into the diverse ways in which people experience and express their sexuality, emphasizing the importance of understanding and embracing one's erotic mind for a more fulfilling and authentic sexual life.

For improving and deepening your romantic relationsips

Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terrence Real. 2022. Rodale Books.

Real explores the dynamics of intimate relationships and offers guidance on fostering healthier connections. He examines the societal pressures and gender roles that influence relationship dynamics, often leading to disconnection and conflict. Drawing from his experience as a therapist, he provides insights into common relationship patterns and offers practical strategies for improving communication, resolving conflicts, and deepening emotional intimacy.

For understanding the role of sleep in health and improving sleep quality

Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. 2018. Scribner Book Company.

Walker explores the functions of sleep, detailing its impact on cognitive function, our ability to manage our emotions, and physical health. He discusses the negative consequences of sleep deprivation and provides strategies for improving sleep quality.