In my initial post, I discussed three movies exploring loss. This time around, I've created a selection of books providing sound and supportive guidance through various experiences of loss. I've also added a classic memoir to the list, which is remarkably honest and specific in its narrative, evoking deep resonance if you’ve ever loved.
For all types of loss and grief
In her book, Chödrön explores themes of embracing change, uncertainty, and impermanence as pathways to personal growth. While Chödrön draws from Buddhist teachings to offer insights on how to navigate life's challenges with resilience, it is its universality and interconnectedness of all beings that resonates.
Chödrön writes:
We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice.
Harris, an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) practitioner and trainer, guides readers on how to skillfully navigate life's inevitable challenges by learning to live with difficult emotions, thoughts, and situations as they arise. He emphasizes the importance of awareness, clarifying our personal values, and intentionally moving toward values-aligned choices in overcoming struggles. Through practical exercises, the book offers tools for developing resilience, helping readers to navigate adversity with greater ease and authenticity for a meaningful life.
, through personal stories, music, case studies, and spiritual insights, explores the importance of looking for beauty and meaning in sadness, loss, and ultimately confronting our mortality. A true gem of a book.O’Connor, a grief researcher, investigates how understanding brain processes can provide insight into navigating the grieving process by practicing kindness toward oneself. She emphasizes that grief is the other half of love. This underlies the profound impact of losing a loved one can have on our neural pathways, leaving us feeling incomplete in their absence.
For “ambiguous” loss
Sarazin, a grief educator, provides a compassionate and insightful exploration of the complex and often misunderstood experience of “ambiguous grief.” Such grief can emerge as a result of divorce or infertility, or losing a loved one to addiction, dementia or an actual disappearance.
For a break-up
Piver writes:
What you are missing is the superpowerful and utterly genuine thrill of intimacy. And rightly so. It is something to be longed for, cherished and certainly, grieved when it is lost.
For the death of a loved one
A classic, Didion’s memoir details her experiences following the sudden death of her husband and the illness of their daughter. Didion reflects on core-shaking loss, and the process of mourning, grappling with the profound disorientation and emotional upheaval that accompanies. She invites readers into her journey, to make sense of one of life's most devastating experiences.
Didion writes:
We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all.
Bearing the Unbearable offers a holistic approach to navigating grief, emphasizing the importance of embracing the pain of loss as an integral part of the healing process. Cacciatore challenges traditional notions of grief and mourning, inviting readers to honor their unique experiences informed by their cultural values and find meaning amidst profound sorrow.
A particular favorite part of the book of mine is her description of a grief course she teaches and a related creative arts project she assigns her students.
I’ll leave you with a standout creative piece by one of her students (reproduced here in complete form with permission from the publisher):
RECIPE FOR RAW GRIEF
From the Kitchen of Theresa’s Heart
Serves: One
INGREDIENTS:
1 heaping cup disbelief
1 tablespoon reluctance to say goodbye
16 ounces excruciating pain
3 cups brutal sadness
2 tablespoons confusion (substitute questioning)
1 1/2 cup constant obsessing
8 ounces anger (substitute feeling misunderstood)
2 teaspoons agonizing guilt
3/4 cup embarrassment
1 quart loneliness
Dash of untimely and needless
DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven to 1123°. In small bowl, mix disbelief with reluctance to say goodbye. Next, trim platitudes from excruciating pain and discard. Use mixture to coat pain. Cook in scaling cast-iron skillet until blackened. Set aside. Fill large pot with tears and bring to a boil. Lower heat; pour brutal sadness into pot and cover. Allow to simmer for weeks. When sadness is numb, remove from heat and drain tears from pot. Stir confusion and constant obsessing into sadness and set aside. Use mallet to pound anger until tender. Cut into bite size pieces. Fry in pan over high heat with agonizing guilt and embarrassment. When anger turns red, remove pan from heat. To assemble, spread pain into bottom of baking dish. Layer on the sadness mixture, then cover with anger, guilt, and shame. Top with loneliness. Season with untimely and needless. Place in oven and bake until loneliness turns to intense longing. Let sit for a lifetime.
NOTES: Pairs well with absolute fear. Best served smothered in love and compassion (may need assistance). Garnish with a sense of peace.