Hey Men - Notes On the Wisdom of Anger And How to Begin to Harness It
Many men aren’t acting out or exploding, they’re suppressing.
The result?
More anger, anxiety and worry, insomnia, substance use issues, quiet resentment, and disconnection from yourself and others.
Good Reasons for Feeling Angry
→ A blocked goal — e.g. being sidelined in a key deal
→ An injustice — e.g. repeated broken promises without accountability
→ Being treated poorly — e.g. being mocked for expressing valid needs
Anger isn’t a flaw.
It’s a signal.
What you do with it is what counts.
The Corrosion of Suppressed Anger
→ Passive withdrawal, emotional coldness
→ Tension in the body
→ Sarcasm, subtle criticism, and other passive-aggressive behaviors
→ Rumination
→ “Road rage” incidents
→ Saying “yes” while feeling “no”
→ Holding grudges but staying silent.
The Data
What works: Physical arousal reducing activities like deep breathing, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindful awareness reduce anger.
What backfires: Physical arousal increasing activities like verbal venting or running amplify anger.
To Harness Anger..
Anger With Intention = Wisdom & Strength
‘Willing Hands’
Face-up hands signals to your nervous system: You’re not under attack, you’re safe.
Ask Yourself
What kind of man (or person) do I want to be right now?
Let your values, or what matters to you, not your frustration, shape your action.
For more on suppression of anger:
